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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly benign quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {