Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent entertainers devoted the airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a obvious pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys each thing he handles."

The focus was the new program that allows foreign citizens to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "premium" tier for 5 million. A government page guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One note for you to affluent immigrants: before you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.