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As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with other men once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.