The Words given by My Father Which Rescued Us when I became a New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You require some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a larger failure to open up among men, who often absorb harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."